these are THE days...

Well....actually i HOPE and PRAY these are NOT the days..... I think of mom often, i think i always will.  DaddyC and i brought home her bible studies to well, study i guess....(she had a great many lesson plans and we plan to conquer ALL of them in time) and think its quite interesting the things that have been brought before us..... Today we read our scripture together pre-boys awakening and in TODAY's dates lesson were three printed out little notes (written love, God but sounds SOOO like my mom)
exact words of the print out:

dear child of mine, 

as you go through this day, know that i am gently protecting you. I am as near to you as your very breath, as close to you as your heartbeat.  I can see the fragile state of your emotions.  I know how close to the surface your tender feelings are.  But you are my child, and i am on your side today.  I will not allow your flame of your spirit to burn out.  I will stand between you and the wind.  I will hold you in my love until you are strong again and forever more.  Do not be troubled or afraid.  Do not strive in your own strength, but lean into my love.  Find comfort in my mercy.

you sheild and defender, 

God

tell me that is not my mom...... I often wonder why God took her so young in age with a WHOLE lifetime ahead of her, although she was quite the spiritual leader....was it to grow others connection to him through her??.... Some things i will always wonder and will never know or will never make sense of..... I think back like it was 5 minutes ago when i bound down ALL BRATTY THIRTEEN YEARS OF MYSELF OR was it fourteen (the age escapes me but the FIRM words will NEVER) and i can remember FINALLY after much rehersal in my mirror and standing at mom and dad's bathroom door procrastinating like no other
"uuuummm, Mom"
yes, whats going on. Get dressed so we aren't late.....AGAIN! oh and make sure your brother is AWAKE.
"well mom, i am NOT going to church or sunday school today, none of my friends are going so it won't be fun today and besides i don't have a thing to wear"
 i think Mom dropped her earring back and if i don't recall i believe all her blood AND my dads rushed into her face....and much more like a monster than my sweet mom and her voice changed into something deep and scary no dout....
"don't you EVER utter those words again, we don't go to church for social reasons AMY (i can hear her saying my name so clear A-M-Y) you have 5 minutes to get dressed or else you will be in the balcony in your TOWEL, i am sure God won't mind what you wear"
And that was her.  She truly wouldn't have cared if i went in my jammies or what but my goodness i better BE THERE!  I could never spend the night out on Sunday nights unless that family was attending church the next day.... Thank you friends of church going families and i can so remember a family that went to church on sunday morning BECAUSE of me spending the night........ Enough rambling on childhood memories... Another one of the printouts stuck in today's scripture lesson was this

Dear child, 

I look upon your heart and see your sadness.  I search your soul and know its despair.  You look to me but cannot find the song to sing.  Do not worry, child of mine.  I know all that is within you, and i understand.  But bring to me your real feelings, your brokenness, yourself.  and i will meet you in silence.  There i will stay and heal your heart.  and later, when the music has returned to your life, you will look back and recall the songs we sang together.  

Be quiet and know me, 

God

And there was one more but i will save you the blog time.... And just know that my mom is everywhere STILL.... I somewhat debated my thank you notes..... REALLY REALLY debated them "oh. so and so knows how thankful my family is" or "oh. they won't care at all"

Well, then i was organizing mom's GAZILLION cards (she musta had thousands of friends who love her so) and there in front of me was a darn peggy post addressing thank you notes sheet so i tossed it in the "throw aways" and then as i placed her cards to the side there sitting ALL ALONE was some freakn'  monogrammed thank you notes UN-opened....

Okay already mom, i am going to get on it and write these thank you notes but geez louweez in your next life don't spread your love so well, i will be writing all summer long...... just kidding mom. But where are those cute pink note cards you got for your birthday, i have looked everywhere?  they would be great for thank you notes.  

miss ya like crazy, Amy

oh and one more thing the final paragraph of our lesson today and this came right after daddyc and i discussed how VERY VERY tired we both were......

My precious children have fallen prey to burnout.  A better description is "drainout".  You are among these weary ones, who are like wounded soliders needing some R&R.  take time to rest in the love-light of my presence.  I will gradually restore to you the energy that you have lost over the year.  

Come to me, all you who are weary and you will find rest for your souls.

Exodus 33:14 Matthew 11:28-29

so fitting, huh?

Anyway, we gained a little normalcy back to our daily lives this week..... After a week of aunt katie at their becking call and MK to light up our rooms with much delight it took some strong words to bring them back to reality of "you don't always get what you want" but as ME and MY MIDDLE BABY, my HORNET lean to "BUT YOU CAN TRY SOMETIMES" or "ALL THE TIME" and we find "we get what we need....." (sing along if you can) all while my monkey is loving his back to scheduled life doing things the "right" way and following the rules of childhood..... here are a couple this week and last fun in the sun.

we are equally OBSESSED with our uncle chris (who is more on a 4 year olds playing level than his own age) and your classic superhero... which makes WEARINg his 30 year old tee shirts layered on top of one another quite THRILLING and i think we wore them for 3 straight days, bath and no bath...

.i told you we are SLOWly getting back to normal.....don't rush me! oh and i highly recommend saving t-shirts for 30 years they are so so so soft.....

Don't worry my mom saved one of my tees too..... 

Dear Lord, Please tell me i didn't sport this in public....more than once..... my name is monogrammed on the back....just incase it got lost or "someone RENTED ME OUT rather"

and whatever this angel of OURS was asking for i feel for sure DaddyC got it for her as he is IN LOVE.... i can't say i run far behind..... I mean.....really!!!!!

and an equally special princess in our world invited us to play in her new SPRInkler her aunt brought her (word on the street is she is special to other aunts too?)

As you can see my biggest baby is hurling hard objects around and i have a feeling he is scaring the girls to death.  If i told him "girls don't like to play like that ONCE i said it a thousand times...."play gentle around girls, they don't like to fight and shoot each other or to be TACKLED which is more a mauling down done by him" or "tell them before you throw the baseball towards them"

but they gave in and let him spray them and he secretly played spiderman attacking the green goblin and they didn't even have to know..... You are right lolly, he is smart. wink wink.

while my littlest lamb snoozed, my hornet attempted to break the girls freshly made bracelets..... Come on Boys! oh and mk, i LOVE my bracelet, i have it on my key chain and think of you each minute i have it in sight. I love you!

and on less productive days.....

we didn't wear clothes....and by the looks of it didn't change diapers too too often either.

all part of the experience....

And in case you are wondering if the ole' class pictures have changed their layouts, etc. the answer is NO. same ole' same ole' if it aint' broke DON't fix it....

i bleeped out the name of their school.... I don't want any of your stalkers to steal any of these babies and i would claim all of them....well, almost!!

you are right! my hornet is holding tight to BATMAN that he took to school that day.... he takes "something" a superhero or as he says "a manzzz" or an animal and he holds tight all day long where ever that day takes us..... we aren't sure why? and we really don't care?  I love all their little "things" and different personalities to SHINE.  Must shower i guess.....the sun is still up so i get some credit...and i can not possibly attend my meeting tonight like this.....

One is the loneliest #

only ONE MAJOR difference i can recall of mom and me.

how we wash dishes......

i DO NOT fill one side of my sink up with water to be used and wash ALL the dishes with.... EEEKKKKK!!!! i like to wash them with clean running water.  while i know its wasting water but i can't stand the thought of putting my hands down in all that plate mess.  YUCK!  
 i really just would rather rinse and load the dish washer if we are being honest here. And i think we are. but both my grandmothers wash this way as do my aunts and my dad.  I think i fell by the way side on that learning experience!
But for the most part mom and i were just alike in our ways...... we always plant our caladium bulbs in one another's happy home's back yard, Mom does the bulbs, i buy the plants, i have a bit of an UN-PATIENT side to me, who knew?  (probably anyone who has ever met me. wink wink) 
Mom, i think of you this morning... just like you told me months ago when i planted my CALADIUM bulbs....
"Amy, be patient JUST when you think THEY won't BLOOM, the begin popping up everywhere and spread throughout the summer"

Mom, as you know i hate to write this...YOU WERE RIGHT!
My caladium bulbs are blooming just as you said they would.
OH. and what else happened last week was our happy home was published in the 
May edition of Birmingham HOme & Garden magazine, 
check it out.  
My mom missed seeing the spread by ONE day but i know she is proud to have a birds eye view now
Dear Mom, 
You KNOW how you STRONGLY dislike THOSE mothers who brag and only talk about their own children ALL THE TIME.....you aren't doing that in Heaven are you???
but i can't blame you on the bragging of your grandbabies, you have FOUR of the most beautiful, smart, and loving babies there are if i don't say so myself.....And if you saw MY HOUSE or YOURS, for that matter, you would be the ONLY one who would be bragging on them.   Dad called and told me he thought he had been robbed..... NOPE, just my boys spending some time over, thats all.......
Other events...
My monkey finished off his soccer and t-ball season strong....with cookies and a caprisun.

bottom row, third from the right
And i got to see my first mother's day show (PLANNED show i should say)  ....with some songs, a fabulous tea, and an art show... I was proud!

he looks a little gloom, He is sad his Lolly is gone and slowly realizing she is STILL with HIm in his heart.... He talks of her often and with great confidence that she lives in a glorious place and is watching him all the time and he is pretty sure she is FAST again and her back no longer hurts her.

i think that concludes are crazy past week..... Hope y'alls week have been kicked off a wee bit faster than mine.... one day i will jump back into a normal pace of life.....wish me luck!

side note

just a little more..... I am NOT bias towards hard working, non-US citizens... I have several mexican friends and one,  Miss Silvia, who is very very dear to my heart so don't judge me know please......

a little fuzzy....

while my blogging etiquette is a little fuzzy i am cringing as i will type this.... is is appropriate?  PROBABLY NOT...... but while skimming some of my fav. blogs i saw this and thought of my mom.

 I guess it was about 5 years or so ago.

"Mom, what do you want for Christmas?"

And just as plain as day she uttered "a mexican please"

i hope you can get a laugh from that.   While we didn't fetch her a mexican that year (border control just ain't what it used to be) i know its STILL on her short list but i think in Heaven everything is just as you like it.  Hopefully She is no longer in need of a "helper".

 thanks for the monday morning laugh mom!

if mom were here....

she would leave me a note reading this.....

either under my pillow, in my bag, or in my car..... i would find it and tear up thanking God for giving me my mom.... She had a way of letting us all know how proud she was of us NO matter what.....and i have a feeling 'if i know her' she will continue to do small things to "SHOW" us here left on Earth that she is watching us from above and is PROUD of us....

via all the best

my brood of FIVE

....still takes my breath away to write that.... where did all these boys come from? (thats a whole nother post....) 

headed down to the lake this weekend with our BIG DADDY....and tried to relax and enjoyed our get away....remember my family and our big daddy have minor problems relaxing but we did manage to spring clean, plant a bajillion plants, enjoy new stairs our big daddy built, some got to go to the lumber store and build a gate to keep half of the boys from drowning before our very eyes, weeded the WHOLE yard until past dark, blew the driveway and all outside things, the dock ( we aren't in Fairhope, i mean POINT CLEAR, i can say DOCK not warf, right?), we freshened up mom's planters which are still looking GREAT, blew up all our floats/rafts, uncovered the boat, enjoyed some boat rides, almost got the see-do in....it got COLD! and just enjoyed one another's company.... It felt good to get down there! 

 Its safe to say my biggest baby has not left big daddy's side since last Tuesday night... They have stuck together like glue....They are still together as i type....They are tight like that, i know our lolly is smiling down and is so proud of BOTH of them (i kinda am too!) As my monkey says "they are SO BRAVE"

sorry to say i have NO pictures of my own.... just haven't wanted to document anyone this week.... i owe each friend and family member an allowance of time before i have concrete photos of them going through a tough/sad time, right? 

I have come across some great photos of my mom though.... As she always said "i have enjoyed each phase of my life and have NO regrets" i can see that through her pictures..... i have some of her and her girlfriends riding roller coasters last summer, enjoying the beach, laughing like crazy in almost all of them, lots of her and dad at elegant events, TONS of her and her babies, and those are just the loose ones she hadn't put in an album yet of THIS year.... 

My mom lived a great and FULL life.  If you learned anything from her, i have concluded from your many calls, emails, and personal convos. that everyone loved my mom for welcoming you in ALL THE TIME, inviting you to her house for whatever/whenever, a trust worthy ear to let you vent with NO further talk (she took many secrets with her to heaven, she was an honest person like that), she never judged anyone (although, i can name a few people my older wiser brother and i dated in our past that she had choice words for.....always something like "they just may not be RIGHT for you".

i am thinking i may have laid it out like 

"they are worthless and NO GOOD" but she was a kind hearted soul, quiet, a tid bit shy, and so very girly!   She was always wanting to cook and clean for all God's children...always wanting to help.  In this past year she really struggled with allowing others to do for HER.  She came around and let friends sit with her and keep her company although, she WOULD NEVER ask them of anything....just go thirsty or hungry until big daddy got home. that was just her!  She was born to care for others and she took good care of us all.  

THis mothers day i hope you remember my mom, she was mom TO MANY and a second mom to more of my friends i can name on both hands as is my dad.... Two great people i am proud to call MY Own.

we love ya mom!  

oh. and some of us have itchy throats, runny noses.  Is that allergies? should we go to dr.? or do you think its a cold?  Oh and mom, don't you love the spot at the lake where big daddy hung that painting your sister did.  Perfect! We looked at stars last night, Did you send us that shooting one?  Charlie spotted it.  lots of love. oh and what about the enormous bugs big daddy and charlie caught and the frog.... I KNOW... and he almost got that slippery lizard... EEEKKK!!! i could go on forever. i miss you like crazy!  but you are leaving me with a smile like always 'cause i can hear your response to all my remarks and questions.  thanks for that memory mom.  off to run with big daddy, we gotta get back in shape. wink wink.

Isa 66:13 
As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you; and you will be comforted over Jerusalem."

mom

The young mother set her foot on the path of life.  
‘Is this the long way?’ she asked.  
And the guide said: ‘Yes, and the way is hard...  
And you will be frail and tired before you reach the end of it…
But, 

the end will be better than the beginning.’ 

But, the young mother was happy, and she would not believe that anything could be better than these years.  
So she played with her children, and gathered flowers for them along the way, and bathed them in the clear streams; and the sun shone on them, and the young Mother cried, 

‘Nothing will ever be lovlier than this.’ 

Then the night came, and the storm, and the path was dark, and the children shook with fear and cold, and the mother drew them close and covered them with her mantle, and the children said, 

‘Mother, we are not afraid, for you are near, and no harm can come'. 

 And the morning came, and there was a hill ahead, and the children climbed and grew weary, and the mother was weary.  But at all times she said to the children, 

‘Show a little patience and you will get there.’  

So the children climbed, and when they reached the top they said, ‘Mother, we would not have done it without you.’ 

And the mother, when she lay down at night looked up at the stars and said, 
‘This is a better day than the last, for my children have learned fortitude in the face of hardness.  Yesterday I gave them courage.  Today, I’ve given them strength.’
And the next day came strange clouds which darkened the earth, clouds of war and hate and evil, and the children groped and stumbled, and the mother said:  

‘Look up.  Lift your eyes to the Light.’  And the children looked and saw above the clouds an Everlasting Glory, and it guided them beyond the darkness.  And that night, the Mother said, ‘This is the best day of all, for I have shown my children God.’ 

And the days went on, and the weeks and the months and the years, and the mother grew frail and she was little and bent.  But her children were tall and strong, and walked with courage.  And when the way was rough, they lifted her up, and at last, they came to a hill, and beyond they could see a shining road and golden gates flung wide.  And Mother said, 

‘I have reached the end of my journey.  And now I know the end is better than the beginning, for my children can walk alone, and their children after them.’ 

And, the children said, ‘You will always walk with us, Mother, even when you have gone through the gates.’  And, they stood and watched her as she went on alone, and the gates closed after her.  And they said:  

‘We cannot see her but she is with us still.  A Mother like ours is more than a memory.  She is a living presence…’

calling all YOU angels....

Take Good care of my mom.  I am counting on you!  

To my blog stalkers who don't know.....My mom lost her year long fight this week with cancer.....I miss her like crazy..... She was my bestest friend who always said "be a mom NOT a best friend to your child" but somewhere along the way she crossed over.  She was the BEST mom, my best friend and even BETTER grandmother.  we talked more than 10 times a day about serious things and about less serious things like what produce just arrived at the local farmers market.  She was MY BIGGEST FAN no dout....STILL IS... and her babies could do NO wrong and are quite simply the smartest, most talented little boys she has EVER seen.  She was proud! Proud of my dad and told me weeks ago he was a TREMENDOUS husband who NEVER left her side.....EVER.... and was an outstanding caregiver through it all.....She was so very proud of "her little boy" (my older wiser brother)....She thought he did it ALL and would randomly call and tell me, "christopher brought me all these protein drinks" like he had delivered a cure for cancer.... DID I MENTION SHE WAS PROUD!!!!!

She was also proud of her sisters....She knew all too well what they continued to do, take time away from their own families each week, drive in town endless days at a time, i could go on and on.... She LOVED her family!

So tomorrow i will lay my mom to rest KNOWING she is NOT there.... She is with loved ones amongst endless angels and things she loved.... She is with me ALL the time now and not just 5 miles away anymore.... i know she is glad to be free from the pain and suffering she faced for the past year and a half.  

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. 
 Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27


Dear mom, 
I miss you like crazy.  tell everyone hello and i will be with you again soon. 
i love you!
Amy


p.s. ARen't you proud of dad?  God has given him such strength through YOU.  I think he will surprise ME and YOU esp. .....